Regret what you do, not what you don't do

I have blogged about this type of thing in the past but I find myself thinking about the same thing over and over again so here I am. Question; Am I an exceptionally unlucky person or is it fair to say that a bleak outlook on life can mean you only see the bad in things that happen?

This week I lost yet another person I was very close. It brought back lots of emotions I had put to the back of my mind and it led me to think I must be due some good luck soon. Ok, in comparison my problems could seem quite menial so I guess I could consider myself lucky. I’m fit, healthy and I earn a decent wage but I can’t help but think the world is spinning one way and I’m running in the opposite direction.

I don’t remember the feeling of waking up in the morning and thinking what a great day I have ahead of me and come the end of that day to lay in my bed and think I’ve really enjoyed myself today. Perhaps I have done that but it’s just that grief leaves a deeper scar in your emotions?

Happiness is a funny thing; can you ever really be happy? How do you know? I think it’s a hindsight thing, you never really feel happy at the time but you might look back on a particular period in your life and say ‘they were good days’. May be I’m going through it right now and with the benefit of hindsight I will realise this. If I look at all the ingredients of my life right now it should be but I cant help but think if only. If only I’d done that quicker, if only I’d phoned to say hi, if only I’d said sorry instead of walking away, if only I’d said I love you. With the benefit of this hindsight we should never hold back or try to suppress our real emotions or behaviour. Tomorrow can often be too late and this week has proved that to me.